Visions of Peace in fear, sadness, and anger--Session 5--confidence and strengthening

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We left last session thinking about anger and how overwhelming it can be as well as thinking about what causes it.  We used the word control to explain both.  We struggle with controlling our anger and we get angry when we can’t control things or people around us.  Today we are going to look at that control from another angle.  The angle that is called Codependency in today’s world.

Codependency is defined by Melody Beattie as

(A codependent person is) one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.

in her book called Codependent No More.

She describes the codependent with words like obsessive and controlling and suggests that codependency is an illness because codependents become sicker as their concerns lead to feelings of isolation, depression, and emotional or physical illness and their actions become habitual even though they cause pain and become self-destructive. 

Many of the codependent’s actions are begun as “normal reactions to living with abnormal people”.

I bring this up because in our desire to become peacemakers, we are taking the chance of becoming co-dependent in other people’s lives—people who are not emotionally healthy.  So, we must know what to do if we feel ourselves becoming too attached to the situation, too affected by the situation.

When you are co-dependent, your emotions are attached to the emotions of another person.  You are only able to be happy, if those around you are happy.  Therefore, when they get angry or upset, you move into a position to try to "fix the problem".  Your energy is spent trying to cheer them up or calm them down.  You begin to do things in order to control the situations around you so that the other person will not begin to be upset or angry.  Your focus gradually leaves controlling your emotions and the things you CAN control, to trying to control the situations or the people around you, which you really cannot control, leaving you to feel unsuccessful in the least and like a total failure at the most.

Detachment is the process in which you become aware of your attachment and begin to move away from that mentality.  You begin to realize that the other person must be in-charge of his or her own feelings and situations and that it is not your responsibility to "fix their problems."  It gives the ownership of their emotions back to them and lets you focus on those things that you truly can control--your decisions and your emotions.

If we don’t detach, then we are back to our starting point with emotions like anger, depression, or fear.  Did these come up in your journaling last week?

These things are handled in Beattie’s book as well.  It is a great resource to help you when you backtrack or get stuck in that co-dependent place.  It takes many ideas from AA and Al-anon and includes things like:

Anger myths-p. 153

Dealing with anger-p.158

Setting goals-p.171

Twelve Step programs-p. 188

We must remember that when we are feeling overwhelmed by these feelings it is probably because we cannot control the situation or the other person like we would like to---we would like to fix the situation, but we MUST remember that God is the only one who can control it.

And that leads us to our last statement in Beth Moore’s Statements from Believing God—

God is who He says He is.

God can do what He says He can do.

I am who God says I am

I can do all things through Christ

God’s Word is alive and active in me.

Remembering that God’s Word is part of the armor of God—which part? What are the other parts? Ephesians 6:10-20 study review.

Belt-truth

Breastplate-righteousness

Shoes-readiness

Shield-faith

Helmet-salvation

Sword of the Spirit-holy word of God

So, if we keep ourselves in our place, and keep on our armor, God can act through us…but we must keep that relationship grounded, we must keep that sword sharp.  Psalm 139 does that for me.  Let’s take a look at it closely…..

Each emotion is covered by Psalm 139. Did you mark them like this?

Fear—5-10

Sad—10-14, 14-18

Anger—19-22

Fighting (Outward Conflict)—19-22

Indecision/Low Esteem (Inner Conflict)—14-18

Psalm 139

1O LORD, You have searched me and known me.

2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
  You understand my thought from afar.

3You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
  And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

4Even before there is a word on my tongue,
  Behold, O LORD, You know it all.

5You have enclosed me behind and before,
  And laid Your hand upon me.

Consider Exodus 33

The Tent of Meeting

7Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the “tent of meeting.” Anyone inquiring of the Lord would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp. 8And whenever Moses went out to the tent, all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered the tent. 9As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the Lord spoke with Moses. 10Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to their tent. 11The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.

Moses and the Glory of the Lord

12Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ 13If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”

14The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

15Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. 16How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”

17And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”

18Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.”

19And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”

21Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”

---

6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
  It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

7Where can I go from Your Spirit?
  Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
  If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

Consider the meaning of SHEOL

she'-ol (she'ol):

1. The Name:

This word is often translated in the King James Version "grave" (e.g. Genesis 37:35 1 Samuel 2:6; Job 7:9; Job 14:13 Psalm 6:5; Psalm 49:14 Isaiah 14:11, etc.) or "hell" (e.g. Deuteronomy 32:22 Psalm 9:17; Psalm 18:5 Isaiah 14:9 Amos 9:2, etc.); in 3 places by "pit" (Numbers 16:30, 33 Job 17:16). It means really the unseen world, the state or abode of the dead, and is the equivalent of the Greek Haides, by which word it is translated in Septuagint. The English Revisers have acted somewhat inconsistently in leaving "grave" or "pit" in the historical books and putting "Sheol" in the margin, while substituting "Sheol" in the poetical writings, and putting "grave" in the margin ("hell" is retained in Isaiah 14). Compare their "Preface." The American Revisers more properly use "Sheol" throughout. The etymology of the word is uncertain. A favorite derivation is from sha'al, "to ask" (compare Proverbs 1:12; Proverbs 27:20; Proverbs 30:15, 16 Isaiah 5:14 Habakkuk 2:5); others prefer the sha'al, "to be hollow." The Babylonians are said to have a similar word Sualu, though this is questioned by some.

2. The Abode of the Dead:

Into Sheol, when life is ended, the dead are gathered in their tribes and families. Hence, the expression frequently occurring in the Pentateuch, "to be gathered to one's people," "to go to one's fathers," etc. (Genesis 15:15; Genesis 25:8, 17; 49:33 Numbers 20:24, 28; Numbers 31:2 Deuteronomy 32:50; Deuteronomy 34:5). It is figured as an under-world (Isaiah 44:23 Ezekiel 26:20, etc.), and is described by other terms, as "the pit" (Job 33:24 Psalm 28:1; Psalm 30:3 Proverbs 1:12 Isaiah 38:18, etc.), ABADDON (which see) or Destruction (Job 26:6; Job 28:22 Proverbs 15:11), the place of "silence" (Psalm 94:17; Psalm 115:17), "the land of darkness and the shadow of death" (Job 10:21 f). It is, as the antithesis of the living condition, the synonym for everything that is gloomy, inert, insubstantial (the abode of Rephaim, "shades," Job 26:5 Proverbs 2:18; Proverbs 21:16 Isaiah 14:9; Isaiah 26:14). It is a "land of forgetfulness," where God's "wonders" are unknown (Psalm 88:10-12). There is no remembrance or praise of God (Psalm 6:5; Psalm 88:12; Psalm 115:17, etc.). In its darkness, stillness, powerlessness, lack of knowledge and inactivity, it is a true abode of death (see DEATH); hence, is regarded by the living with shrinking, horror and dismay (Psalm 39:13 Isaiah 38:17-19), though to the weary and troubled it may present the aspect of a welcome rest or sleep (Job 3:17-22; Job 14:12 f). The Greek idea of Hades was not dissimilar.

(1) Not a State of Unconsciousness.

Yet it would be a mistake to infer, because of these strong and sometimes poetically heightened contrasts to the world of the living, that Sheol was conceived of as absolutely a place without consciousness, or some dim remembrance of the world above. This is not the case. Necromancy rested on the idea that there was some communication between the world above and the world below (Deuteronomy 18:11); a Samuel could be summoned from the dead (1 Samuel 28:11-15); Sheol from beneath was stirred at the descent of the king of Babylon (Isaiah 14:9). The state is rather that of slumbrous semi-consciousness and enfeebled existence from which in a partial way the spirit might temporarily be aroused. Such conceptions, it need hardly be said, did not rest on revelation, but were rather the natural ideas formed of the future state, in contrast with life in the body, in the absence of revelation.

(2) Not Removed from God's Jurisdiction.

It would be yet more erroneous to speak with Dr. Charles (Eschatology, 35;) of Sheol as a region "quite independent of Yahwe, and outside the sphere of His rule." "Sheol is naked before God," says Job, "and Abaddon hath no covering" (Job 26:6). "If I make my bed in Sheol," says the Psalmist, "behold thou art there" (Psalm 139:8). The wrath of Yahweh burns unto the lowest Sheol (Deuteronomy 32:22). As a rule there is little sense of moral distinctions in the Old Testament representations of Sheol, yet possibly these are not altogether wanting (on the above and others points in theology of Sheol).

See ESCHATOLOGY OF THE OLD TESTAMENT.

(3) Relation to Immortality.

To apprehend fully the Old Testament conception of Sheol one must view it in its relation to the idea of death as something unnatural and abnormal for man; a result of sin. The believer's hope for the future, so far as this had place, was not prolonged existence in Sheol, but deliverance from it and restoration to new life in God's presence (Job 14:13-15; Job 19:25-27 Psalm 16:10, 11; Psalm 17:15; Psalm 49:15; Psalm 73:24-26; see IMMORTALITY; ESCHATOLOGY OF THE OLD TESTAMENT; RESURRECTION). Dr. Charles probably goes too far in thinking of Sheol in Psalms 49 and 73 as "the future abode of the wicked only; heaven as that of the righteous" (op. cit., 74); but different destinies are clearly indicated.

3. Post-canonical Period:

There is no doubt, at all events, that in the postcanonical Jewish literature (the Apocrypha and apocalyptic writings) a very considerable development is manifest in the idea of Sheol. Distinction between good and bad in Israel is emphasized; Sheol becomes for certain classes an intermediate state between death and resurrection; for the wicked and for Gentiles it is nearly a synonym for Gehenna (hell). For the various views, with relevant literature on the whole subject, see ESCHATOLOGY OF THE NEW TESTAMENT; also DEATH; HADES; HELL, etc.
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9If I take the wings of the dawn,
  If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,

10Even there Your hand will lead me,
  And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

11If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
  And the light around me will be night,”

12Even the darkness is not dark to You,
  And the night is as bright as the day.
  Darkness and light are alike to You.

(For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5)

13For You formed my inward parts;
  You wove me in my mother’s womb.

14I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
  Wonderful are Your works,
  And my soul knows it very well.

15My frame was not hidden from You,
  When I was made in secret,
  And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

16Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
  And in Your book were all written
  The days that were ordained for me,
  When as yet there was not one of them.

17How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
  How vast is the sum of them!

18If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
  When I awake, I am still with You.

19O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
  Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.

20For they speak against You wickedly,
  And Your enemies take Your name in vain.

21Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
  And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?

22I hate them with the utmost hatred;
  They have become my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart;
  Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

24And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
  And lead me in the everlasting way.

Psalms is David’s journal and songbook.  Consider keeping up with your journaling.

So, we have lots of ammunition now.  Beth Moore’s Statements, our memory verses, and songs.  And now, we can start to learn how to use them when dealing with others.  

Resources:

Beattie, Melody.  Codependent No Moore.: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.  Hazelden Foundeation, 1986.

Moore, Beth. Believing God.  Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2004. 

Online Parallel Bible. http://biblehub.com, retreived on Nov. 23, 2013