Visions of Peace--Session 7--Inner Conflict
“Pasco, the smaller the space between
your desire and what is right, the happier you will be.” Pasquale’s mother, Beautiful Ruins by
Jess Walter
Do not conform to
the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good,
pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
What exactly causes inner
conflict?
Deciding what to do
Guilt
Temptation
“When you can’t stand yourself” Marie Carson
Not being able to think straight
So, sometimes we have to stop
and think and make decisions. And
we CAN think. Melodie Beattie
wants to assure all people of this in her book Codependent No More. She has a whole chapter about thinking. Here is a sample:
“As codependents, many of us
don’t trust our minds. We truly
understand the horror of indecision.
The smallest choices, such as what to order at the restaurant or which
bottle of bleach to purchase, paralyze us. The larger significant decisions we face, such as how to
solve our problems, what to do with our lives, and who to live with, can
overwhelm us. Many of us simply
give up and refuse to think about these things. Some of us allow other people or circumstances to make these
choices for us.” (p. 163)
Deciding not to decide is still
making a decision. And it can be a good one, as long as you are aware that someone else may make that decision for you or circumstances may change so that you don't have an opportunity to make that decision later.
Saying yes to one thing means
saying no to another. And that is a fine thing as long as you are aware of it as you are making that decision.
Beattie also reminds us—
“Overreacting may impair our
mental functioning. Decisiveness
is hindered by worrying about what other people think, telling ourselves we
have to be perfect, and telling ourselves to hurry. We falsely believe we can’t make the “wrong” choice, we’ll
never have another chance, and the whole world waits and rises on this particular
decision. We don’t have to do
these things to ourselves. [Remember what we
have that keeps us from worrying like this? Our faith statements from Beth Moore.]
Hating
ourselves, telling ourselves we won’t make good decisions, and then throwing a
batch of “shoulds” every time we try to make decisions, doesn’t help our
thinking process, either.
Not
listening to our needs and wants, and telling ourselves that what we desire is
wrong, cheats us out of the information we need to make good choices. Second-guessing and “what ifs” don’t
help either. We’re learning to
love, trust, and listen to ourselves. [Because
who lives within us that keeps us straight?]
Maybe we’ve been using our minds inappropriately, to
worry and obsess, and our minds are tired, abused, and filled with anxious
thoughts. We’re learning to stop
these patterns also.
Perhaps
we lost faith in our ability to think because people have told us we can’t
think and make good decisions.” (p. 164)
"People
may have put down the intelligence of women, but that’s nonsense. We’re not stupid. Women can think. Men can think. Children can think.
We
may be living with people now who are telling us directly or indirectly that we
can’t think. Some of them may even
be telling us we’re crazy,…..Maybe we’ve started wondering if we are crazy! But
don’t believe any of it for one moment.
We
can think. Our minds work
well. We can figure things
out. We can make decisions. We can figure out what we want and need
to do and when it is time to do that.
And we can make choices that enhance our self-esteem.
We’re
even entitled to opinions! And
yes, we do have some of those. We
can think appropriately and rationally. ….
Remember,
decisions don’t have to be made perfectly. We don’t have to be perfect. We don’t even have to be nearly perfect. We can just be who we are. We can make mistakes in our
choices. We’re not so fragile we
can’t handle making a mistake.
It’s no big deal! It’s part
of living. We can learn from our
mistakes, or we can simply make another decision. (p. 165)"
And consider
this---to let your emotions take over and disable you is selfish. It takes your eyes off of Christ and
pulls yourself away from the plan that God has for you. The situations that God puts you in are
meant to build your character and your strength and your belief in the Holy
Spirit living within you.
Compare that to Beth Moore's question in Believing God, page 7-
“Have you too quickly decided that what you have done or what you are doing is
all you’ll ever do? Ah, God’s far too creative for that... Just when we decide
our lives are all about figs, God starts mixing up the soil underneath our feet
to bring forth some pomegranates…John 15:8 “This is to my Father’s glory, that
you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” Not some fruit.
Much fruit.”
So, when God puts us
in troubling situations, He may just be stirring up the soil to produce a
different type of fruit.
She goes
further on page 8 to say “According to Acts 17:26, God even determined the times
and places set for us to live on planet Earth most conducive to our
personalized harvests. Too much
predestination for you? Here’s the
catch: we don’t have to cooperate. We can live our entire lives as
Christians and never fulfill the glorious plan God tailored for us in advance.”
So—we have permission from God
to think, we have the Holy Spirit to help us think, we have the example of
Jesus Christ to guide our thinking and this is what the Bible calls
discernment. Many verses point to this type of wisdom. One important one is the
one we had in our study during the past week.
Let’s review it:
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Think about this--What do you think is the purpose
for the times in our lives when we have to make decisions or practice
discernment? Which stories did you read this week that back that up?
So, we want to make good
decisions to keep us in God’s will.
We want to have experiences that
will make us wise so that we can help others. I found some great help on discernment on the internet
website of Spirit Home. Some things like these hints that help you know that you are on the right track:
--- a chance encounter with just the right person;
--- a thought or conviction that keeps growing;
--- something from the Bible which comes to mind;
--- something said in conversation which keeps coming to mind;
--- an opportunity which suddenly opens up.
--- it 'bites back', becoming harder to stop the more you or anyone else
tries to hold back.
These hints mean nothing by themselves, but can mean a lot when
taken together.
One statement summarizes nicely:
When discerning, the Christian must keep in
mind why he/she is doing it. Ask yourself, "If I raise this issue,
how am I pointing people to Christ? How am I helping them grow in the Spirit?
In what way am I loving them?" If there's no answer to those questions, or
if you have to stretch far and wide to come up with a complicated or weak
answer, then it's best not to speak. Indeed, it's time to focus on listening,
because it may be your time to learn.
I have often told my young students—“Those who can
control themselves will grow into those who can control others.” If you can calm your inner conflict,
you will be able to discern what God would have you do in any situation. Discernment takes time. One of the best things I have learned
to say when I feel overwhelmed or rushed is “Let me take time to pray about
that.” And then I really do.
So, let us pray.
"Dear God, help the reader of these words to calm that inner conflict in such a way that they can hear your voice. In such a way, that all that they know of you can come into their mind and clear the thinking process. Calm the inner conflict with your Holy Spirit that lives in each one of us, Lord, and help the reader to clear their hearts so that they may act on Your behalf and trust that in doing so, their decisions and actions will be on their own behalf as well. Thank you, God, for your love and power that blesses us at all times, but especially in the times in which we are quiet and calm. Amen."
Resources:
Beattie, Melody. Codependent No Moore.: How to Stop Controlling Others and
Start Caring for Yourself.
Hazelden Foundeation, 1986
Longman, Robert. “Discernment.”
Spirit Home. February 2, 2012. retrieved on January 11, 2014 from www.spirithome.com/discernment.html
Moore, Beth. Believing God. Broadman &
Holman Publishers, 2004.
Walters, Jess. Beautiful
Ruins. HarperCollins Publishers, 2012.
