Visions of Peace in Anger--Session 4

"My recipe for dealing with  anger and frustration:  set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and  rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about  business as usual." 

Phyllis   Diller

Do you ever get angry….

When you can’t do something?

(You can’t take control of something)

When you can’t have your way?

(You can’t take control of a situation)

When you think you are not being heard?

(You can’t have control of someone’s mind.)

Do you ever get angry when you are alone?

Today we will discover that anger is a control issue in more ways than one. 

Let’s look at what is happening when you are feeling angry.

Remembering that all emotions begin in the brain, not the heart, we need to go back to our brain diagram. 

The cerebral cortex (cortex) is the thinking part of the brain where logic and judgment reside. It is the outer portion of the brain and is divided into lobes. Think of the cortex as the strategy center of the brain.

The emotional center of the brain is the limbic system.  It is located lower in the brain and is considered to be more primitive than the cortex. When someone is experiencing and expressing anger, he or she is not using the thinking (cortex) part of the brain, but primarily, the limbic center of the brain.

 It is very much the same as when you feel fear. Your body prepares for “fight-or-flight”, primarily the fight part.  So, our favorite brain part, the amygdala, is stimulated by data coming from our senses about the world around us.  In the case of anger, the emotional charge is greater than fear and moves directly into releasing hormones and chemicals within a fourth of a second, as it did with fear.  These hormones and chemicals cause the common reactions that we see with anger like teeth grinding, fists clenching, flushing or paling, prickly sensations, numbness, sweating, muscle tensions and temperature changes.

At the same time, blood flow is increasing to the frontal lobe, specifically the part of the brain that's over the left eye.  I picture the classic eye-twitch that we see in bad guys, right? In the front of the brain, the orbitofrontal cortex is recruited to help make decisions and temper emotional responses. In brain imaging, it lights up when people are making judgments. In a split second, we take in who's to blame, how harmful the trigger is, whether the action was avoidable and whether anger will even be useful in this situation.

It’s interesting to note that one study (Adrian Raine and colleagues at the University of Southern California) showed-- on average, men have a lower volume of gray matter (the bodies of nerve cells) in the orbitofrontal cortex than women. According to the analysis, this brain difference accounts for a healthy portion of the gender gap seen in the frequency of antisocial behavior. In a split second, we take in who's to blame, how harmful the trigger is, whether the action was avoidable and whether anger will even be useful in this situation. It also links to memory centers in the brain, which play a role in angry rumination or stewing after the fact. These areas generally balance each other out quickly; according to some research, the neurological response to anger can last less than two seconds [source: McCarthy]. This is why you get a lot of advice about counting to 10 when angry.

But that strategy only compensates for the neurological response.  Remember how our amygdala signaled the release of all those hormones.  Now it must signal for the re-uptake of those hormones back into the neurons.  Counting to ten cannot help in the case of the longer-lasting hormone that is also released. Its impact can last for several hours to several days. On average, it can take 20 minutes for a person who has experienced an angry state of arousal to calm, to move from functioning from the emotional area to the thinking area of the brain.  But, having a long-lasting hormone in the body can explain why someone has an initial, powerful angry reaction, then seems to calm, and then later has a huge flair-up that is disproportionate to the situation because of some small incident occurring while the hormone was still active in the bloodstream.

So, what good is anger?  Why would God give us this emotion? 

 

It has been found that responding to a stressful situation with a reasonable amount of anger can make people feel more in control and more positive.

Also, angry students were more successful than a control group of neutral students at picking out the stronger arguments. It seems that angry people disregard information that's irrelevant to the quality of the argument, such as its source. In other words, they pay attention to heuristics or cues that really matter -- argument quality, facts provided, et cetera. Contrary to common belief, anger can now be seen as a "motivator" of analytical thinking, rather than a barrier. Anger is an emotion that demands a response. Sometimes that response can be harmful or violent. But sometimes it can be constructive -- in this case, a desire to find a solution by focusing on thinking analytically. The bodily effects of anger are meant to motivate us to take charge and restore the balance of right and wrong. But for this to occur, you have to get angry for the right reason and express your anger appropriately.

Anger expression typically takes one of three forms: anger-in, anger-out and anger control. Anger-in is turning anger inwards. This method of keeping anger inside has been described as depression [source: Tavris]. This method is overwhelmingly observed in women, who feel that society frowns upon angry women. Anger held in can leak out in unproductive, passive-aggressive ways, such as sulking or backhanded sarcasm.
Anger-out is expressing anger outwardly in ways that include physical assault on people or objects and hostile verbal assault. 
 

Sometimes you hear that you shouldn't keep anger bottled up inside you, but lashing out at everyone who makes you angry doesn't always make you feel better. Indeed, people describe feeling out of control and powerless when they practice both anger-in and anger-out methods of expressing anger [source: Thomas et al.].

Practicing anger control, or dealing with anger in an appropriate manner, is the ideal. It's not just venting or yelling at the person; it's telling them why you're angry in a way that moves toward a solution. This method of expression is why anger can sometimes be good for us. We're moved to address a negative in our life and make it a positive. It can force us to fix problems in relationships that we want to maintain.  It can help us to join forces with others to fix problems in society as well.  Remember—anger is designed to give you the energy and thinking skills to motivate you to change something.

So, we are back to that question.  What makes you angry? 

Melody Beattie in her book, Codependent No More describes ways to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself.  In her chapter about anger, she states,

“We react to anger, both ours and other people’s.  It is a provocative emotion.  It can be contagious. And many of us have so much of it to react to.  We have so much of the anger that accompanies grief.  We have the anger that comes from the persecution stage of rescuing or caretaking.  Many of us are stuck on that corner of the triangle.  We have unreasonable anger feelings that may be unjustified and caused by reactive, disastrous thinking: the should, awfuls, nevers, and always.  We have justified anger—all the mad feelings anyone would feel if someone did that to him or her.  We have the anger that covers up hurt and fear.  Sad and scared feelings convert into anger, and many of us have so much hurt and fear.  We have anger that comes from feeling guilty.  Guilt, both earned and unearned, easily converts into anger.” I think that sums up the problem with anger pretty well.  Many of these feelings are caused by things which are beyond our control. And if you are getting angry at something over which you have no control, then it is unproductive anger.  And that anger can hurt you.

Many of us know the serenity prayer—

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

That acceptance can help diffuse a lot of anger.  So can our memory verses that we practiced during this past week.

Memory Verses

Psalm 139

19O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
  Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.

20For they speak against You wickedly,
  And Your enemies take Your name in vain.

21Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
  And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?

22I hate them with the utmost hatred;
  They have become my enemies.

He that is slow to angry is better than the mighty; and he that rules his spirit than he that takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made ANGRY, it takes no account of evil; 1 Corinthians 13:5

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil. Psalm37:8

Our job then is to learn to separate ourselves from the situations that bother us but that we cannot control. And that is very hard sometimes.  But we can do it if we believe statement 4 from Beth Moore's book, Believing God.  Let’s review our first 3--

God is who He says He is

God can do what He says He can do

I am who God says I am

and now we add I Can Do All Things Through Christ from Philipians 4:13

Controlling anger takes a lot of doing and that doing is possible through Christ.  

"Holy God, we know you are the God of all emotion. We have learned of your anger at your people and seen how you used it to act.  We have learned how anger should be purposeful.  Help us to put our anger in it's place and to control it before it controls us.  We know that we need you in orer for this to be possible in all situations.  Thank you, Lord. Amen."

Resources:

Beattie, Melody.  Codependent No Moore.: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.  Hazelden Foundeation, 1986.

Edmonds, Molly.  "How Anger Works"  19 June 2008.  HowStuffWorks.com. <http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/anger.htm>  07 December 2013. Retrieved on Dec. 7, 2013.

Moore, Beth. Believing God.  Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2004. 

Thinking Straight While Seeing Red: The Influence of Anger on Information Processing Pers Soc Psychol Bull May 2007 33: 706-720, first published on April 17, 2007

Vassar, Gerry.  “How Does Anger Happen in the Brain?”, 1 February 2011. Lakeside Connect.com. Retrieved on Dec. 7, 2013 from http://lakesideconnect.com/anger-and-violence/how-does-anger-happen-in-the-brain/